50 things never tell
by Adrasdos Dark
Summary: 50 things never to tell to the skulduggery pleasant characters! Just some random things. please enjoy. Kind reviews are greatly appreciated!
1. 50 Things Never to Tell Skulduggery P

Hey hey everyone! Please enjoy me new story! Oh yes, I don't own Skulduggery Pleasant and sorry for spelling mistakes.

100 things never to tell Skulduggery Pleasant. No particular order

1. Cat caught your tongue?

2. Wanna go watch Bones?

3. Sammy Skeleton called...

4. The Grim Reaper wants to see you.

5. Have you ever seen Ghost Rider with Nicholas Cage?

6. Look my in the eye.

7. I'm getting you hairspray for your birthday

8. Your mother coming into town

9. You have to come on our field trip to the incinerators

10. You can make the turkey this year for Thanksgiving.

11. I took the Bentley for a joy ride today...

12. You should go to the gym. Put some meat on them bones.

13. It's time to meet your creator.

14. Sweet dreams.

15. Valkyrie ripped her protective clothing

16. you forgot the feed the dog. he's really hungry

17. Can you breakdance? (reference to my other story, ch.16)

18. There is a Faceless One at the door.

19. Where's my money?

20. Can you whistle?

21. Would you rather pet a dog, or go grave digging?

22. What's shakin?

23. Can I have your dinner if you're not gonna eat it?

24. I shot the sheriff

25. Your next gig is in... 5 minutes.

26. Are you a drag queen?

27. Did you ever have a beard?

28. Did you know, that hair still grows even _after_ death?

29. This bomb-shaped present is for you!

30. Want to play soccer?

31. Santa is coming down the chimney!

32. We're going to China tomorrow! Learn Chinese!

33. You are to spill the first blood of war.

34. Do you know the Cookie Monster?

35. have you ever said 'y'all'?

36. Have you ever played harry potter?

37. Over my dead body.

38. In the flesh.

39. Wanna get some _ice cream?_

40. I want my chicken boneless, please. We have enough, already. bones are so _annoying!_

41. Skulduggery and China sitting in a tree...

42. Crux has your paycheck.

43. Why the long face-... er, skull?

44. Do you like spiders?

45. I accidently spilled bleach in your car...

46. Paranormal things are weird.

47. I'm king of the world!

48. Stay true to your heart in the holidays.

49. C'mere boy! It's time for dinner!

50. Clifford the big red dog wants to see you!

Thanks! Enjoy my next chapter. I'll update soon!


	2. 50 things Never to Tell Valkyrie Cain

Hey everybody! I just checked out at my stats, and found out that I have almost a thousand visitors on all of my stories! That's about as much as Nerdy Skeleton has on His and Her Broken Bones. Oh well, it is a feat.

Anyway, I have the countries that my battalion (you guys) have come from. I'll explain the battalion thing at the end.

ALSO:::: Sorry if they're not as funny as the previous ones. I couldn't think of a lot today.

50 things to never tell Valkyrie Cain_

Ninety-nine bottles of Cain on the wall…

I know your true name…

Fletcher is gay.

You forgot to bring along your ring.

That dream you had is real.

Sanguine is fancying you!

Can you whistle 'my fair skeleton'

What do you get when you cross a stalker and Dusk? Caelan!

There are monsters in your closet.

Are you goth?

Are you suicidal?

I found a pretty black ring on the sidewalk today… I sold it for a candybar.

Are you a remnant?

I saw Tanith today. She was driving the Bentley.

Have you seen Skulduggery without his gloves on? He need some muscles, I mean really!

Stop looking at Fletcher like that

Caelan ate your little sister.

Are you a pacifist?

Someone's cheery today…

Why don't you just go to your emo corner now…

Sanguine told me to tell you that he's watching you

Shut up.

Sectum Sempra!

You're on fire today!

Wanna make some bbbrrrooooowwwnnnniiieeessss?

The world hates you.

I think that Skulduggery is possessed.

I had my doubts about you…. And still do…..

Your mom just told me that she needs you to answer the door where a vampire definitely isn't right outside of.

It was nighttime an hour ago. Here comes Dusk with shadows.

I'm not sure that you're human.

Can you sing like Alvin and the Chipmunks?

I'm watching you…

You remind me of Paris Hilton!

Someone named Derek Landy is following you wherever you go. I watches you sleep….

Can you PLEASE shut Fletcher up?

You need to scrape some graze off your chin.

You remind me of the thing that hands from Jabba the hut's ceiling…

Can Anyone Else Love Assholes llike Eyou1

You have an unborn twin.

Why is magic so pretty?

Don't move, or else I'll shoot you with this carrot.

Please tell me that you did not just eat that meat? You did? It was raw..,

Your hair reminds me of a birds nest.

Sanguine can compact you into a fruit fly.

Come sing with me!

Are you a Nazi?

No dip, Sherlock.

I dub thee… Blind/ Deaf child!

How can you polish off a cake like that? I just made it!

And there you have it. Here are the countries:

United Kingdom, Ireland, Malaysia, Australia, United States, Germany, Canada, Qatar, Singapore, South Africa, New Zealand, Sweden, Hong Kong, Italy, Philippines, Finland, Estonia, United Arab Emirates, France, Peru, Greece, Spain.

OK, so the whole battalion thing- so some of you might have heard the rumor that is going around, and it is true. I AM making my next story a Fletcherie/ Valduggery War. All of you are invited, but you have to give me a SHORT description of your character, what side you are on, and what power you have. SO, please wither PM me, or review VVVVVVV thanks!


	3. 50 Things Never to Tell China Sorrows

OK. I know I haven't updated in forever. I know. Deal. But here is a new chappie to a story I have not updated in FOREVA. Please enjoy. And review.

**50 Things to Never Tell China Sorrows.**

**You're a hoe ( even though I do that ALL THE TIME)**

**You dance like a slug who is covered in salt**

**The 70's called. They want their hair back.**

**You have two left feet.**

**Do you speak Mandarin?**

**HAHA! YOUR LIBRARY GOT DEMOLISHED! HA HA!**

**You have the emotional range of a stick in the mud.**

**You're the reincarnate of Ellen DeGeneres**

**Your shoes are last-season.**

**You're gonna burn in hell.**

**Bitch.**

**BLISS WAS TWICE THE WOMAN THAT YOU'LL EVER BE**

**You are the sole reason that Skulduggery Pleasant is a tortured, saddened person that he is. Because of you, he has no one to turn to.**

**You're the devil's daughter.**

**I SEE A GRAY HAIR**

**You know, once you get a tattoo, it never comes off.**

**Your skin can turn blue… Are you a smurf? You look like a smurf.**

**You MST be gay. I mean, with THOSE clothes?**

**So you have a secret basement where you deal with your 'business'… What kind of 'business'?**

**What is the average air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?**

**I'm sure there's still a Remnant inside of you. No one can be that evil.**

**If we cut off a bit of hair, added a mustache… You'd be the spitting image of Hitler!**

**What's your girlfriend's name?**

**You're, like… 385 years old. THAT'S OLD.**

**Maybe yo could learn a thing or two from the Grinch.**

**How many cats do yo have?**

**So on a scale of 1-385, how much do you envy Valduggery, knowing 385 is the most.**

**You're not as perfect as you think.**

**Ni! NI! NI! NI!**

**Skulduggery is too good for you.**

**I know your secret.**

**YOU WILL DIE IN 7 DAYS!**

**You must be the grudge girl's mother.**

**Your favorite number is… Lemme guess… 666?**

**You say yo love him, but how many times have you said that before?**

**Two-timer.**

**All you do is play with men. You sadistic retard**

**So I heard your brother died…**

**Traitor.**

**What is the capital of Assyria?**

**You IDIOT. YOU DON'T KILL SOMEONE'S FAMILY TO GET TO THEIR HEART**

**Let's have Sweeney Todd give you a haircut. And a shave.**

**Your weight is the same as your age.**

**Did you know that china is very easy to break?**

**According to this card I found, your battle power is only 25.**

**Hello, Lisa Rinna**

**You sing like a cat getting run over by a lawn mower.**

**No, a three-way isn't something you can get at Skyline. Dumbass.**

**You must eat cement for breakfast.**

**Oh, we all know yo love Justin Beiber.**

OK, so that is my update… Wow it is HARD to make up 50 things… Damn. Ok. PLEASE REVIEW!

~Adrasdos Dark


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